I say hello to the nice people.

Hello there, nice people!

Good news: I continued the practice routine (Guitar + singing), and am making progress with the song I chose to sing for singing lessons... ^^ I quickly jotted down the chords for the song, too, so that I could accompany myself when I am practicing. :) With singing lessons, I had my third one this week. I honestly think it is both something I am grateful for and something that challenges me... Singing is one of the things that make me happiest.

I also got to write the second song for my album, so there are still 11 more to go. :) I am looking forward to the rest of them, and to recording them for real... I hope by the time I am done that the pandemic will be over (Stop laughing now, will you!!).

I hope you are all doing fine. :) I also continued taking walks each day, despite it snowing last night and whatnot. It brings me so much joy to get out, breathe in fresh air, move my legs a little, and so on and so on. It is just a win-win situation for me (and for the dog! :D).

What else? I think that's about it. I will now continue with the obvious.

Question No. 6 from the 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind: If happiness was a national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

There are many! :) I think first and foremost, music has to be involved. Whenever I am surrounded by music, when I am practicing or performing, when I am talking about music, when I discover new songs / bands / musicians that I find awesome, etc. That makes me happy. I look up to those who know what they are doing, and also to those who say they don't (but it somehow always works out well :P) musically. I think music is the ultimate form of art for me... It gives me pictures in my mind that move around like a movie, or that stand still like put in a picture frame. It expresses things that cannot be put into words, and when it uses words, most often the poetic language accompanying the pieces is doing what the melody and rhythm do on their own, too. It is fascinating. I think, if somebody gave me all the instruments I wish for (AHEM... There are many. ;)), I would maybe never be found again, unless I feel like performing. I don't mind either, TBH. Just--- music. So yes, I would most likely be making music. ^^ Also, dabbling into other creative endeavors... It just makes me feel rebellious in an odd way, and when feeling rebellious I feel alive, and therefore quite happy. I wouldn't mind these to stay "side projects" though, even though I think it is nice to shake things up every now and then... Also, speaking foreign languages with other people, hopefully their native language. And working with tarot cards, astrology, etc. And some exercises, too (As I said above, walking! And dancing, too!). And travelling.... AND :D... I think this is all.

I know I am not the greatest ever in any of these, but I think this is not the question. I think this is just perfectionist Rina chiming in to say, "You cannot earn anything with any of this, you are not good enough yet!". I think, if people always waited for permission to follow their hearts, the world would never make steps forward. We'd still be stuck with what happened so so so long ago. No progress. We need to find out what matters to us, and I feel this thing that is so dear to us is YEARNING to be expressed. Please don't let it yearn forever...

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Last point for today, five more things that I like about myself (This is so hard to do!):

11) Despite my problems with perfectionism (Which is a long term one!), I don't mind embarrassing myself every now and then (by doing something different). I think I have done quite a lot of things in my life that others would shake their heads over, even though I didn't harm anybody. For example, in summer I once went barefoot through our pedestrian precinct, put my shoes into my trousers (They didn't fall down, thank goodness XDD), and just enjoyed that I could walk over the asphalt feeling the earth below my feet. It was nice. It wasn't the only time I went outside without any shoes or that I removed my shoes in the long run (PUN!), but I think a lot of people just stared at me... I didn't mind, I said back then I wanted to start a new trend. Didn't work, but still, it was fun. :P Don't you blame me.

12) I try to be honest with everybody I get to know, but without hurting their feelings. This is quite a task to do, but usually I manage to do this just fine. I often find the right words in situations when others may need them, and I have been told before that I can really uplift other people... I think this is something like a hidden talent of mine, and I don't acknowledge it enough.

13) I am passionate. And Biff goes: "Oh là là?" I mean this mostly in the sense of, when I love something, I dive into this deeply. I want to learn everything about it. It excites me, and my full enthusiasm gets absorbed into this one special something. (There is a downside to this, though, but we are not here to talk this much about downsides, eh?)

14) I'm sosososo rebellious. I have always loved stuff that was not seen or heard everywhere. My favourite celebrity growing up was David Bowie (THANK YOU, LABYRINTH!! :D) and I still remember how this younger version of me was like, "I will marry David Bowie when I grow up!" - Well, you can see clearly now, this hasn't worked out (Plus, I wouldn't want to take him away from the love(s) of his life). BUT! With Bowie as Jareth the Goblin King, I found a type of person I really adored. And the more I learned about so-called alternative subcultures (I mainly refer to punk and goth right now), the more I saw people with e. g. tattoos and piercings, the more I felt drawn to the lifestyle. I feel this is something that goes against the norm and expresses some rebellion, BUT I also adore how it looks, I love the music from the genres especially associated with these two categories. I adore androgyny, too (Again, thanks to Bowie!). I also once had a crush on Alice Cooper for a short while when I was eight. Not to the point I would say I wanted to marry him (I was out of that phase by then XD), but I think back then I drew a lot of comics and invented stories with guys called Alice for this simple reason. Yeah... Yeah. 

15) I don't take myself too seriously (Despite what others may think!). Sure some things from my past I wouldn't joke about, as these weren't things that I would wish upon anybody else. BUT! I can make jokes about myself, I can really laugh about some stuff I have done, and I can admit openly that I have made mistakes in the past. I think this is something important to do; we all are here to learn, after all. It all depends on the context of course, but usually I can laugh about my own silly events coming into my life!

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And that's that... again. ^^ Have a lovely rest of the day, people out there!!

Developing routines.

First off, hello again.

I am already feeling better than last time I posted something here, but still wanted to make sure I won't slip back into old behaviors, so I didn't update anything for those past days.

I kept up my taking-daily-walks routine, though. Obviously, I did this for seven days just to be able to check this goal off my list once I finished this, but oddly enough, I feel like it has become a habit now. A very beneficial one for my mental health, too. I am happy when I can be outside. I am by no means very extroverted, but I still love being outside, be it in nature or going to other places... Since the latter is not as easy to do in the pandemic, I feel like taking walks is pretty much the only time I can spend out and about, not thinking about current problems as much, as I need to concentrate on taking our dog for a walk.

I also tried to pick up reading again, but noticed the book I am currently reading is not really doing me much good, so I need to postpone this a bit, or at least find something lighter to read before getting back to said book. I don't mean to diss the book here, it is well-written and I get to empathise with the main character... A little too much, though, and that's the problem :(.

For today, I had planned several things and got them all done. I feel accomplished deep down like, YAY I DID THIS. I wrote a letter of application and got to send it, I got to take our dog for a walk, and... I got to practice singing. :) Since I have been taking lessons again for a while now, this is really something I look forward to, too. I even ended up grabbing my guitar and strumming along my own song then. And I practiced some singing along the guitar strumming in general, as I often struggle concentrating on both at the same time (Please don't laugh. It can be quite hard sometimes, but I feel I didn't do too badly.).

My next goal to tackle is the 73rd goal: Develop a practice routine that I can keep up. I need to fix the name of this goal, though, as I cannot cross this off at any point in the future. It is an ongoing process. So I will say, since walking for seven days constantly helped me get into this habit, I want to practice each day for a week. Starting today. :) I want to practice both singing and the guitar. If I can squeeze other instruments in there (ukulele, keyboard, ...), I will do this, too, but my main focus for now is my voice and my guitar playing.

I generally practice singing the song "Starman" by David Bowie right now, which happens to be my favourite song by him. There is so much to learn about this song! I want to also get the notes so I can accompany myself on another instrument while singing the song, but let's not rush this... Baby steps. :D

I hope everybody is doing well, too. Before I forget it:

Five more things I like about myself:

6) I can be very adventurous. You may not be able to tell this oftentimes, as I can get bored easily. But I love travelling, learning new stuff about other cultures, and just... I often "suffer" from wanderlust. I am currently trying to fulfill the need with an app I recently downloaded (Geoguessr), in which you are "dumped" in a place anywhere on this planet and you need to find clues where you are via Google Maps, and then submit your guess. I sometimes am not bad there, othertimes I think, "OH I AM IN ARGENTINA!!!" and then end up being told, uh oh, you are in Spain or so. It is really exciting to do, though. ^^ And I love how my sister often goes, "Let's find a delivery car on the road to find out where we are!!" when she plays this with me.

7) I give everybody a chance. I have been told before this is rather naive, but honestly, I know what it is like to never get a chance to show yourself, and that first impressions can be really awful (despite both parties being equally interesting, nice, and fun to be around deep down). I just think, I could be wrong with each first impression. I give people the chance to prove themselves. If they, for whatever reason, turn out to be completely unworthy of my time, I don't bother anymore, but I gave them the chance to prove they ARE worthy of my time beforehand. And I wouldn't want it another way, to be honest.

8) I am keen to learn foreign languages. I once read / heard somewhere something along the lines of, "Speak to somebody in a language they learned, and you speak to their mind. Speak to somebody in their mother tongue, and you speak to their heart." Foreign languages do not just keep me busy, they also help me get the points of view from other people, no matter where they're from. The more you know language-wise, the broader your view becomes, the more empathic you become, the less you understand the need for nations to quarrel. God, I am such a hippie XD. But I feel, after all, everybody has similar wishes for themselves... Basic needs, and so on. Why should some people be stripped off these basic needs just to make sure others have it "better"?

9) I see the world as a number of riddles to be solved. I remember as a child / teenie I questioned everything I learned in school. I needed to find out everything on my own, and so I did. I tried to find loopholes for mathematic laws and I loved reading in school books in my free time. I may have been quite a nerd, BUT! I just loved learning, which I already touched upon. With maths especially, I feel every question / problem I come across is like a riddle, which I have to solve with the understanding of maths I have at that very moment. It is not always easy / doable, but I just love these riddles.

10) I am kind to animals. Animals, my favourite companions. :) I was the type of person to always be the "cuddle buddy" of each pet the host of a party may have shared their home with... I get that around animals, we have to be patient and kind. I am trying not to do any harm to animals I come across (even those I am scared of...). I have arachnophobia, among other fears, for example. I might get scared, but I will try my best to catch the animals and put them in trees outside or so then.

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Other than that. Here's the 5th question of the 50 questions that will free your mind:

What is the one thing you'd most like to change about the world?

I have to be honest here. I just wish other people would make more effort to be understanding of the human state. We are not perfect creatures, we all have flaws. I just think, with many people, they expect you to ace in everything you do, and it can be quite devastating when you DON'T. Pressure on others can only do harm, that is. I would also want the world to be free from greed and corruption. (I know technically, I already am at my second / third wish here, but pfff, this is my wish, I can do whatever I want~!! :P) I think there are many things in the world that actually bring out the worst in people, but I ALSO wish people would more focus on who they are, instead of the expectations of others.

Maybe the world would be better if we were just allowed to be ourselves.

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Hippie!Rina has spoken. *nods* If you have any comments, leave them below!

We can do what we want, we can go wherever we please~.

Hey!

For some odd reason, I wanted to quote a song from a really great TV series here in the subject line :P. If you can guess which one, I will give you a virtual cookie. *nods*

I actually took a walk this morning with my mother and my dog. ^^ We had a lovely time, even though the duration was not as long as it could have been, apparently. But I am currently feeling a bit ill (physically; though I am very sure it is nothing to worry about!), so walking for too long felt more like torture, and this way, I at least got some fresh air in the meantime.

Today's question - bring it on!

4) When it's all said and done, will you have said more than you've done?

Once again, I feel a bit unsure. I of course can only talk from this very moment (and the past assigned to me) - not the future -, but right now I am feeling more like I would have said more than I've done if I passed away now indeed. And it irks me to say this, but this is something to change, after all. I want to change something about my habits / ways of planning. I rarely ever plan anything, for the reason that I feel overwhelmed so easily by a bunch of tasks to tick off, even if these tasks were just minor ones.

I wish it weren't like this. I know so many people who have no problem with this kind of paralysis towards one's tasks. I now watched a video which also took the side for the Eisenhower Matrix. I have seen this in quite a few books on time management, and I never actually tried it. Maybe it will speak more to me, since it is not as diligently written one after the other, which ironically could make a difference to me. *sighs*

I know, for myself, I cannot plan every minute / second of a day (I would feel like I was a loser if I needed to do one thing for a bit longer than it should have taken), but if I could give myself some kind of routine for this matter, it would help. I think the guy in the video explained it better than I could have ever explained it myself, though. He is called Nathaniel Drew on YT, and the video I meant is called "A Simple Way to Organize Your Life". I highly recommend it.

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And else? I thought I want to start tackling yet another goal (number 90 - "Make a list of 25 things I like about myself"). I will be doing five in each step, I think, so here are some things I like about myself...

1) I am very creative. I love spending my time composing songs, drawing, writing, crafting, making up dance choreographies, whatever. I often have ideas when e. g. listening to music (especially concerning music videos, but also other ideas), and getting into movement in general helps me clear my mind and stay creative. I often feel like a tiger walking from one corner to the next, but it really helps with thinking through ideas.

2) My thoughts run very deep. I am a bit of a philosopher deep down. I like asking questions (not just myself but also other people), and I like provoking other people to think about their own limits... I remember even as a child in first grade, I questioned anything I learned, and tried to find out whether there were any exceptions for the facts we have been presented. This is not to say I didn't enjoy learning (I still do! See number 4!), but I felt like this was a game I could play with myself for hours... Especially maths was a subject I often did this with... I also remember some of the questions I asked back then still didn't get answered to this day. For instance, I was wondering why I felt like I was *myself*, so I asked my then-four-year-old sister what it was like to be her, whether she had this same experience, just from another perspective. I know this isn't easy to answer, especially for children, but it really shaped some ideas for myself (That we all have the same experience, but that I will never know for sure, because we don't have the same soul.).

3) I am quite empathic. Another anecdote from my childhood. I had a favourite plate when I was a child, which was full of fun doodles on its sides. However, this plate only existed once in our home, so I once asked whether one of my parents (I think it was my father) could exchange plates with me. So he gave me my favourite plate, and I gave him the one I was given beforehand. Then I thought, "This was actually really mean towards the plate I already had... Maybe the plate is feeling very sad now that I gave it away.", so I apologised to my "fave plate" and asked my father to please exchange the plates once again. I often felt like, everything could have a soul, no matter whether it moves or not, so I didn't want this plate to feel sad about this. *sighs* I still experience moments like this, maybe not as "dramatic" (I was close to tears back then when I imagined how the first plate would have felt.), but... Let's just say, I avoid huge gatherings of many, many people in most instances, and I usually can understand what other people say without having to add any words to this. I often cry whenever others are sad, or I get angry when others feel this rage, too. I know I could classify as an empath, judging a bunch of other experiences, but I will leave it at this.

4) I love learning new things, and am not afraid to ask questions if I don't understand one thing (or more), as I already said. I think one is never too old to learn something new, and I am curious about the things I don't know yet. I, for this reason, am looking forward to the task concerning Coursera. :) I think this will be an awesome opportunity. I looked through some more courses there, and I am really excited about starting. I just am giving myself a bit of time to save up the money for Coursera Plus.

5) I am really idealistic. I have been a vegetarian ever since I was about ten years old, and am slowly but surely diving more into veganism (as much as possible). I have always seen the nature and its inhabitant animals as my friends. I know that I shouldn't be reckless when coming across an animal, but I also know that, it is mostly up to me how the animal in question will react. I think one should respect these enteties of Earth (Nature, animals, etc.), without any feeling of fear (as in, being scared of anything on this planet). I want to live without as much plastic as I *normally* use. I do not blame those who, for whatever reason, cannot make such commitments (Also for the sake of my own ideals.), but I think that reduction of unnecessary input and focusing on what is important can be an important first step. I also have to say, whenever somebody tries to argue with me why their "ism"s (sexism, racism, and - okay, something not ending in -ism - homo-/transphobia) are absolutely okay in their eyes, I will get really angry. Or when people do harmful things to others (humans, animals, nature) for whatever reason.

I think you got the idea. ^^ I think these are also the reasons why I feel so deeply connected to my MBTI type (INFP)... Aaaand that's about it all for now.

P is for PROGRESS! :D

Heyhey! :)

Hope you all are doing well. I worked on some more goals (Namely the nameless one, and the one featuring the daily walks; I went for a walk twice today.). As for the nameless goal, I will not talk about this matter, but I am feeling really well. As for the walking, I guess this might be an additional reason. I really love taking walks in nature. And my dog enjoys it, too! :)

I also want to answer the third question from the 50 Questions list now:

3) If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don't like and like so many things we don't do?

I think the point is that there is a lot of pressure from other people on individuals in general. Also, we have this saying in German (I am not sure whether it exists in other languages, sorry), going, "First the work, then the pleasure." I always hated this saying, because a) it drew a line between things you have to do to survive and whatever brought you joy... And b) it was not always necessary to keep this up in my eyes?

For example, I remember when I came home from one of the first days of school after the summer holidays when I was roughly 14/15 years old... I wanted to stick to this saying, because I felt like, then I would be allowed to have some free time, and... Guess what, I had to do homework until 10pm to keep up with this. On a daily basis. After the third day in a row of having to do this, also for subjects we didn't have the next day, I started sticking to another schedule, which helped me keep myself away from being completely overwhelmed with homework.

I think, of course, there are some things in life that are not fun at all, that have to be done in order to keep yourself from losing a lot of money unnecessarily (Like doing taxes...). But I also think one should minimise the amount of such tasks for one's own wellbeing to a minimum. If you just work, work, work, without seeing any sense behind it, I feel you may be in danger of developing some other problems. Just my two cents.

However, to get back to the question: I, too, don't do EVERYTHING I love doing on a daily basis, but I am trying to. I will not beat myself up for not completing stuff I wanted to complete e. g. yesterday; I need to show myself some compassion. And it ought to be FUN after all. I am working on this list, too, because I feel this could help with some projects dear to my heart... That's why I chose to do this challenge, after all. :)

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Also, I talked with my mother about something to put into practice once I plant the seeds for my snapdragons and sunflowers. ^^ I just saw today somebody using old toilet paper rolls (term?) as single "pots" to plant seeds into. They put some soil into each of them, and put a seed into this, put the entire bunch of toilet papers into a large flower pot, and now they are growing really well. ❤ I love this idea. So I looked around for some flower pots today... I found some, but ironically, those saying they would send them via mail... ended up saying in the ads: "We won't ship those anywhere, you have to come here to buy them." -__-

You can imagine how I am feeling now... But it is fine, I will get my snapdragons and sunflowers planted! :P I really love both flowers... I am just wondering whether I should put one of the pots (for the snapdragons) infront of my window instead of onto the balcony. Either would have its pros and cons, actually. I hope both will not be poisonous for cats and dogs, though...

Other than that, I have been thinking about which teacher to pick for task number 41 (Write a letter to my favourite teacher). I am thinking of several ones, but unfortunately, I cannot find one of them at all. But! I am thinking maybe my teacher from primary school, who's hopefully still alive. I don't know yet... *hides* I don't even know what exactly to write, but there is this urge to do so.

I hope everybody is having a nice day! :)

Consider this (goal 50, 35, and 7)

'ello!

How are you all doing today? I hope you are fine. I have some news concerning the goals mentioned in the subject line... With number 50, I will answer today's question in a moment. Then, I think I am already doing number 7 (taking walks everyday for a week): I went for walks twice today, which was much fun and I enjoyed that a lot! :)

Then, I also narrowed down which courses I'd like to do on Coursera, most of which are specialisations actually. I am considering saving the money to get Coursera Plus actually. ^^ I have recently been receiving some questions about UI/UX Design, and since I had no idea what this had to mean, I looked it up... Sounds quite interesting, so I might be doing this specialisation dedicated to acquiring some grasp of this subject... And two more specialisations in the field of music. Maybe something creative-writing-wise, too. And graphic design sounds interesting, too.

Anyhow, let's get on with number 50, shall we? Today's question is the second in the list:

Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Of course, I would like to answer this with "Never trying is much, much worse", and I agree with the sentiment. In the past, however, I have been terrified of failing at anything. I always had to be on top, and when I didn't happen to be, I would get immensely depressed. This kind of perfectionist attitude actually ruined a lot for me, almost including my love for making music. I think this says it all... I *wish* I had realised this sooner, but actually, I have tried things in the past that didn't work out, and just stood up again, but still developed perfectionism towards anything and everything throughout the process. It sucks, and I am still wrestling with myself to make myself understand that there is nothing bad in failing. I wouldn't even EVER tell anybody else the things I tell myself on a daily basis on this matter.

Because these words would be really cruel, diminishing the light of each person's soul, it would ruin them in the long run. I still tell myself these things everyday, though, and I just don't get it. And I know I could lay blame on my past etc. but it wouldn't help me much in this regard, I feel. I just never wanted to come across as stupid or lazy. *sighs*

So, to the people reading this: If you end up trying something - and you end up failing, please don't think this is happening to punish you. Sometimes the timing or place of something is just wrong, but this doesn't mean your idea in the beginning was. If you can, whenever you can, do get up again, dust yourself off, and show yourself you can be resilient, this can really boost your self-esteem, too. If it is something you deeply believe in, something that you love with all your heart, find another way. If it is something that shouldn't matter in the course of the next five years, then just let it go...

Also, as they say: "You would never find out whether you could have succeeded if you didn't try it at first." And time is valuable, after all. Ask the people who are deemed too old for whatever they want to do by some people out there. I have been in this place. It is so much better to start where you are, and even if you fail, you will learn in the process, and what you learned cannot be taken away from you. ❤

That's all for now. Will update the master list in a moment. Of course, the narrowing down is not really a step in the direction, I feel, but still I thought it would be interesting to mention in here. :)

Have a lovely day!

50 Questions that will free your mind (Task 50)

Bonjour, my dears!! ^^

How are you all doing? I am experiencing some highs and lows, depending on what aspect you'd ask me about. Hence the decision to start with task number 50 from my 101/1001 master list. I found out about these questions through the Day Zero Project itself, but I like the idea to free my mind, to get clear in my thoughts and visions again... The list of 50 questions that will free your mind can be found here.

I want to answer one question per post, so this will be my answer to the first question:

1) How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

It varies. Sometimes I *really* feel like a 60-year-old, and I don't even understand why. I can be so, so serious quite often. On other days, I act like a child who is in kindergarten already, but not in school yet. I get really silly (which I don't mind), and end up trying out a gazillion things, and sticking to whatever brings me joy in each moment. All in all, I was asked today, too, whether I tend to decide more from my gut or from my head. Honestly? I always go for what my gut tells me, even if it gets me into trouble...

So, most of the time, I am like a four/five-year-old, I guess? I don't mind that. I don't mind seriousness, either, but it bores me to stay in the latter state for too long... Okay, I am a child apparently. :D Was this so hard to answer? - YES! :P But I don't mind that. It is okay *wipes away tears of joy*.

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ALSO! Finally, I am taking singing lessons again (I didn't specify when this goal (11) is reached?). :) I am so happy, you cannot believe how much it makes me happy...

And I'm making some progress with task number 2 (writing 13 songs for my album), too.

Hope everybody is having a lovely day. I will try to answer the second question from the list asap. Stay tuned!